Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend
by KFD
Summary: Lost and found French landmark, Martians, and criminal!Sam. What more could you possibly want?


Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend

Thirty-year-old Carly Shay sat behind her desk, going over the mountain of paperwork her job incurred. She took her 'Tina Fey' branded glasses off and physically removed herself from law books, memos, and prosecution cases. Walking over to the window, she sighed wistfully before peering out into the world below.

Carly was by no means high enough up for the people below to seem ant-sized, but her view made the bustling pedestrians look almost insignificant. She watched as a petrol-tanker drove down the busy street below, wondering if she'd be harmed if it were to spontaneously explode. Her mind then pulled her to quick estimations of how many would perish in the blast. It decided that she would be fine so long as the building didn't collapse from the intense heat melting the supporting structure, and that no more than fifty people would die in the blast, but many more could perish from resulting effects.

Carly continued musing about the petrol-tanker until something much more interesting caught her eye. Three storey's down the most unbelievable creature came into the view of her deep brown eyes. Goddess-like hair came into view first, cascading over broad shoulders before falling gracefully in curls. Carly smirked, her attention flicking from broad shoulders to the supposedly subtle Detectives following the blonde. She felt a gentle breeze hit her back, barely distinguishable from the air-conditioning, and her smirk turned into a full smile, a grin even.

"Silly boys," she said to the car following the blonde below, sighing happily when a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist. Carly guessed that it was a man in a wig below, the distinct scent of milk and coconut running wild inside her. Yes, it _had_ to be a decoy. "Now, how did _you_ get in here?"

Her answer was the blinds being hastily yanked down. Carly grinned, turning around as she was forcefully slammed into the window. She saw a flash of golden locks and deep blue eyes before her lips were claimed insistently. Hungry teeth bit at her bottom lip before a familiar tongue thrust its way into her mouth. Both women groaned at there increasingly rare contact, their hands roaming in an attempt to force as much pleasure into a small space of time. The kiss was halted all too soon as a demanding knock sounded into the cool room.

"Just a minute!" Carly called out, praying that she didn't sound as breathless as she felt. The blonde woman grabbed several files out of Carly's 'Out' box and held them close, making sure to hide the fact that her business-like blouse was wide open. The brown eyed woman shot a quizzical glare at her companion, confusion clear on her face.

"Come in!" The two words came out before Carly could say anything, and the door was opened before she could have another thought. One of her fellow prosecution lawyers strode in hesitantly, the entire floor was scared of Carly Shay, though no one could really pinpoint why. Some speculated that it was due to her nearly unbelievable win-ratio, but the more rational and less goal oriented had the distinct feeling that it had something to do with the masked blonde woman who had shown up at the office's ball and very forcefully told the room that Carly owned her, mind, body, and soul. This man was not a rational, doing-it-for-the-greater-good people.

"Ah, I see you've met our newest secretary, Marissa Rodney," the middle-aged man said, his moment of unease around Carly gone as quickly as it had come. He dramatically waved an arm in the blonde's direction, failing to notice the exaggerated eye-roll he was being given.

"Is there any particular reason you're here Mel?" Carly asked, distracting herself from the six-point-five _billion_ questions swimming in her head. Such as:

'_Does he know that everyone can tell he dyes his hair?' _or '_Is my fridge stocked?' _or '_Marissa Rodney. _Marissa_ freaking _Rodney?'

Seeing that she wasn't in the best of moods, Mel quickly placed one of the cards he was holding onto her desk. He then sent what passed for a charming smile at the blue-eyed beauty before making a quick retreat.

The room was silent for a few minutes, neither woman wanting to speak first while simultaneously nearly bursting from the need to blurt out every word that came to mind.

Carly gave in first, as she usually did.

"Samantha Puckett, what are you doing here?" Sam opened her mouth to answer after just a second of thought to her wording. She'd practiced this speech a lot while in the Amazon hiding after that last plan didn't go so well. Just as the first syllable was about to pass her lips, she was interrupted. "No, first tell me _how_ you're here?"

Sam decided that she didn't like the slightly angered glare her lover was shooting her.

"Aren't _you _supposed to be the smart one in this relationship?" she asked teasingly while hoping her on the fly plan would work. Surprisingly, it did. Carly vented her frustration through a sigh before speaking.

"Now, we both know that you're smarter than I can even be. You stole the Eiffel Tower, Sam, that takes brains," Carly stated, leaving no room for argument. Sam briefly mused on her own excellence, very quickly changing her thoughts to that of how Carly had found the perfect career for her talents.

"Does that work on other people, or is it just me?" Blue eyes danced with glee as the lawyer was stumped, unable to figure out what 'that' was. "The ability to bend even the strongest of iron wills to the point of pleading for mercy," Sam's voice had that deep, groggy twinge in it, as it frequently did when she spoke of Carly.

"No, that's reserved only for you. I don't need it with others, they aren't immune to my charms like you." Carly didn't move as she spoke, trying hard to gauge Sam's reaction to such a subtle hint at commitment. She knew that 'only for you' somehow got turned into 'never, ever leave me' in the blonde's fascinating mind.

"I put it back," Sam said meekly, her mind doing exactly what her lover expected it to. She found it best to distract herself from those thoughts, especially as of late. This whole thing revolved around her self-control. This time confusion didn't even register on Carly's face before she picked up on Sam's meaning.

"Yes, and the people of France thanked you."

"They threatened to bring back the beheading people, starting and ending with _me_!"

"You did steal their most famous phallic landmark." Carly paused, pondering her own words. "Should I be worried? Not going to go and chase boys are you?"

"No, of course not. I love you, Carls, even if I can't..." Sam looked away, suddenly becoming fascinated with the card Mel had left on the desk.

"It's okay. I can wait for you to be-"

"Less of a freak?"

"I was going to say 'ready' or 'not an interplanetary wanted criminal'. You aren't a freak for being scared."

Sam snorted. "I didn't piss off any aliens; I wish that rumour would hurry up and die already. And why not?"

Carly's jaw nearly went slack, was Sam really going to stand there and defend her supposed freak-label-worthy problem?

"Because everyone gets scared. Hell, I'm not even willing to," Carly purposefully cut her sentence short, knowing how the word 'commit' or anything that implied it spooked Sam slightly.

"Why not?"

"You're an internationally wanted criminal with supposed ties to alien invaders and French-hating groups, you can't possibly imagine why I'm scared?" Sam bit her lip at the futility of their calm and rational argument.

"Scared? You never said you were scared before, only unwilling to be with a criminal," Sam said, cringing at her own use of commitment-like words.

"Even if I was willing, I would still be scared shitless that you wouldn't come home every night, that you'd be dead or in some foreign jail for several hundred life sentences!" Carly was up out of her seat and slowly advancing on the uncomfortable woman. "I know that you don't want to recognise what we're talking about. But I do _want_ to be with you, as your girlfriend, your fiancée, and later your wife. Please don't run away from me, and tell me why the fuck you're here? Isn't an internship a commitment?" The mere thought of loosing Sam had set off Carly's usually well controlled temper, unleashing her not-really-angry temper-light on the unsuspecting woman.

Sam backed away until she collided with the wall, quickly deciding that now was an excellent time to try to get out her well-practiced speech.

"I can't tell you why I'm here, only that I'm not here for any criminal reason. I want to try and get over my problem, and I think spending more time around you will help with that. When I sat down to cool off after sending the Tower back to the French, I started to think. Not about what I was going to do next or even how I was going to cover up the last few leaks in my crew. I started to consider the future, _our_ future. That right there threw me. It's a big word: _our_. That implies the C word happened, not just the S and F ones. I found myself going into a minor panic attack when something popped into my head. It's _always_ been our future with us. I've always wanted there to be an _us_. In any capacity we could manage. My problem won't go away in a few days, but it will take even longer if I don't do this," Sam paused, taking a few deep breaths before grabbing Carly's left hand.

"Sam-"

"Just, please?" Carly nodded, knowing how hard all of this must be for her lover. "By 'this' I don't mean being here as an intern, I refuse to do any job that requires this much work without fun, food, or twenty-six hour sex with Carly." Just as Carly tried to speak, Sam explained herself. "Alien enemies, apparently I stole a time-messer-upper from them. Anyway, since we've been behaving like it since the beginning, I was just wondering if we could make it official someday?"

"You lost me at 'time-messer-upper'." The hopeful look fell from Sam's face, she'd wanted Carly to get her meaning. Actually, she'd desperately wanted the brunette to be the one to do this, but she knew that Carly would never push her as far as this was.

"I said that wrong, I'm fairly sure I planned it differently than that." Sam riffled around in her pants pockets for a few seconds, coming up empty. Where'd her notes on how not to fuck this up go? "And it looks like I'm winging this."

Carly watched in amazement at she was pushed back a few steps, apparently because Sam didn't have the room the comfortably get down on one knee backed up against a wall. Tears started to form, a long forgotten dream springing into reality.

"I can't say that I'll give back all of the money I took, mostly because I stole it from companies that deserved to be stolen from. But I can promise that I will not do anything as stupid as stealing an entire landmark, or supposedly consorting with and betraying aliens. If you give me the time, I will stop committing more crimes, although I reserve the right to pickpocket obvious jerks on the street." Carly giggled at this, knowing that Sam would stop doing that to if she was asked. "I will not hesitate to spend my fortune on you, I hope you don't have a problem with that." Carly shook her head and Sam let out a sigh of relief. "I ask you this one question that I've been so scared of all these years, but I haven't got a ring to give you."

"Why-"

"What did I say about talking?"

"Nothing."

"Don't do it anyway, okay?" Carly nodded.

"I don't have a ring because I will not spend stolen money on your engagement ring, you deserve better than that." Sam took a deep, calming breath before continuing. "Carly Shay, I have no ring, no legitimate money or property. I don't have the best morals ever, and I've never met an alien. But I will work here as a secretary until I have _earned_ enough to buy you the very best ring, any one you want. I will find a way to put my talents to good use, and I will even try to find life on other planets, if you really want to meet these aliens I've apparently pissed off. So, knowing all of that, exactly what you're getting yourself into. Carly Shay, will you marry me someday?"

A full minute passed without a word being spoken. Sam felt her fragile heart breaking with every silent second. She'd intended on proving that she had the ability to commit when given the chance and motivation, but maybe she'd waited too long and Carly was just trying to find a way to break it to her gently. Her mind swam with the ways Carly could react when she finally decided to speak. Sam found that some of them inspired a rain-like falling of tears from her eyes, fear and heartbreak taking over her mind. She felt as if death would be more pleasant than kneeling in front of a woman who was about to dump her before they were actually in a relationship. Thoughts swirled around in her head, spinning faster and faster, more depressing notions entering the whirlpool faster than Sam could comprehend them. The influx of thought was starting to make her dizzy from the shear volume of them.

Carly, on the other hand, was struck speechless, and nearly thoughtless. Her heart was bursting with joy. Sam wanted to marry her someday! Sadly, that was all she could conjure up in her mind, and it most certainly didn't travel to her mouth.

"If you're going to tell me to fuck off, could you do it soon, my legs are cramping." Sam's defeated voice opened the floodgates in Carly's brain, kicking her entire body into action.

One second Sam was considering taking her own life, the next she was being nearly smothered with Carly's overjoyed kisses. She figure that this was Carly's last goodbye to her lover, and that she should probably make the most of it. Sadly, as Sam started to react, Carly pulled away abruptly.

"I hope you aren't doing this because you think I don't want to be with you without commitment." Sam shook her head so fast, they both thought she pulled something.

"No, never. I want to be with you forever, and I know that this is what you want. And you know I do everything to make you happy." Carly blushed. "You do remember _why_ I stole the Eiffel Tower, right?" Sam asked playfully, the idea that Carly did want to marry her fighting to gain control.

"Oh, you are _so _lucky you're buying me a very beautiful diamond ring in a few months," Carly stated, thinking that that would be all the answer Sam needed.

"I am?" came the timid Sam from underneath her.

"Of course you are, and then you're going to pickpocket every jerk we come across while hunting for life on Mars."


End file.
